So here I sit, a few months older with that much more life experience under my belt. Life has this way of changing you and who you are as a person. It's been a rough time as we've been dealing with my father in law's passing and, in turn, dealing with my mother in law (which has been difficult). Also, dealing with changes with my own family and the dynamics of things. The kids are getting older and needing more attention in different ways and it's a struggle to mold them and teach them at times without losing my patience.

There always seems to be something to work through, stand up to, or tear down. It never ends. Today I took Spencer (age 4) to get allergy testing done. It looks as if he's experiencing symptoms to do with asthma more than allergies themselves. I know he'll deal with it just fine because he's a tough little boy and is able to go with things as they come along. I, however, am struggling with this because I've had to grow up with asthma and it breaks my heart that he now has to live a similar life. As his mom, I want the best for him.

It's hard being a parent sometimes...

It's hard being anything at all sometimes...

Transformation

I've been learning alot lately...about myself.

The last 4 years have been some of the most difficult years in my life. When I was in the midst of turmoil and tears, I did not see any way out. I was consumed with hurt, bitterness, and wanted nothing more than to hide from what life was offering me (or at least what I thought life was offering me).

I can see now that I am on the other side of my grief, bitterness, and hurt. Things still aren't easy, nor will they ever be as life requires work when it comes to relationships.

I can see clearly now that maybe God put me through all of this so that I can be a support to others going through similar circumstances. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when life has you looking every way but out.

I'm more content now with life and I'm ready to move on to new and wonderful things. Maybe it will include a new job for Lyndon, or even a move to somewhere new. At this point we don't know what's coming.

I'm still growing and changing and I'm okay with that.

Processing...

I feel like I have all of these thoughts and feelings swirling around inside of my head. I want to share them with the world, but I have yet to pin them down into comprehensible expressions with which to use.

There are thoughts on God, my life, and how the 2 interact with each other.

There are thoughts on parenting, childhood innocence and what's happening in the world I am a part of.

I'm not sure which direction to go yet.

I'll let you know once I've developed something worth sharing and expressing.