To my
son…
Oh how
my heart aches for you! It seems a lifetime has passed since they crucified you
yet it has only been 2 days. I am unable
to quench the tears running down my cheeks as they are unending. My arms ache
to hold you. Yet, as much as I ache right now, I am think back to when the
angel visited me on that night oh so long ago. I was so young and so very
afraid, yet I was consumed with wonder as he told me of you! My heart was overjoyed that I was to be your
mother. My family, on the other hand, wasn’t so sure. They questioned me,
scorned me, rebuked me, and called me a liar. I mean, how is it possible to
become pregnant when I had never been with a man?
Oh my
love, the trials I went through even as your earthly father questioned my
virtue. I don’t blame him for how he felt though. He was going to divorce me, well,
until the angel appeared to him and assured him of your supernatural creation.
He was so scared. The hurt and fear that would have been in his heart must have
consumed his every waking moment.
We loved
each other so very much.
How I waited for the day I could hold you in
my arms for the first time. Despite the gossip, hurtful words, and hateful
accusations, my love for you was immediate and fierce. I knew you were special
and the truth behind your existence even if no one else believed me.
Then
Caeser, he decided to call a census. That was the reason we had to travel to
Bethlehem. What a treacherous journey for us. Your poor father, leading the
donkey I was riding and having to care for me. I was nearly ready to deliver
you into this world. My back ached, my feet were so swollen, and every little
jolt and bump wreaked havoc on my body, but I did not complain as I knew your
father was worried enough about my well-being. He was so gentle and kind and
did not complain about the hardship upon him, always putting my needs above his
own. I miss him so much!
When we
finally arrived in that town, it was so busy! There were people rushing about
everywhere trying to find shelter for the night. Your father searched in vain
for shelter for us. I was already feeling faint from the early onset of labour.
Time was of the essence. I knew in my heart we didn’t have long as my body was
preparing itself for your arrival. My son, I was so scared! Where would we
stay? What would we do? My mother had informed me as best she could about how
to deliver a baby into this world. I had witnessed many animal births before
that, too. I just didn’t realize it would be quite so painful!
Finally
your father found a stable, full of animals. It was crude, dirty, and had such
a horrible stench within of animal dung but, at least it was a place to rest. I
was so relieved to be able to get off that donkey and lay in the straw. By
then, the pain was becoming more unbearable. I was sweating, and the pain in my
belly was enough to make me moan. Your father was so concerned. He searched
frantically for someone to help me but could not find any.
In what
felt like forever, you exited my body and oh the relief and wonder as I gazed
upon your face. Here was this child I was promised! Oh Jesus, the first time I
held you in my arms I could hardly see you for the tears streaming down my
face. I had no other way to express my love for you. I wanted to hold you and
protect you for eternity….
Oh my
son, I long to hold you again. I’d gladly take your place. The pain in my heart
is unbearable. I’m broken and empty and numb without you in my arms. I love you so much.
It’s
hard for me to trust in the plan that was shared with me so long ago. That you
were here to save the world from itself. My heart aches for you. I know your
Father is in control and in that I put my faith, but the hurt, oh the hurt of
losing you….
I’m
amazed Yahweh loved me enough to give me You. Yahweh gave me You to share with
the world and His love is so amazing and awesome. How could He love me? How
could He love those who harmed you, whipped you, spit on you, and crucify you?
He is the one and only…
Yahweh
is the essence of what love is…sending you to me yet allowing you to die
brutally at the hands of mankind as a pure and perfect sign of your unending love for us, your precious creations.
I still
miss you son.
I love
you.
Your
Mother
