Mary's Letter...

To my son…

Oh how my heart aches for you! It seems a lifetime has passed since they crucified you yet it has only been 2 days.  I am unable to quench the tears running down my cheeks as they are unending. My arms ache to hold you. Yet, as much as I ache right now, I am think back to when the angel visited me on that night oh so long ago. I was so young and so very afraid, yet I was consumed with wonder as he told me of you!  My heart was overjoyed that I was to be your mother. My family, on the other hand, wasn’t so sure. They questioned me, scorned me, rebuked me, and called me a liar. I mean, how is it possible to become pregnant when I had never been with a man?

Oh my love, the trials I went through even as your earthly father questioned my virtue. I don’t blame him for how he felt though. He was going to divorce me, well, until the angel appeared to him and assured him of your supernatural creation. He was so scared. The hurt and fear that would have been in his heart must have consumed his every waking moment.

We loved each other so very much.

  

How I waited for the day I could hold you in my arms for the first time. Despite the gossip, hurtful words, and hateful accusations, my love for you was immediate and fierce. I knew you were special and the truth behind your existence even if no one else believed me.

Then Caeser, he decided to call a census. That was the reason we had to travel to Bethlehem. What a treacherous journey for us. Your poor father, leading the donkey I was riding and having to care for me. I was nearly ready to deliver you into this world. My back ached, my feet were so swollen, and every little jolt and bump wreaked havoc on my body, but I did not complain as I knew your father was worried enough about my well-being. He was so gentle and kind and did not complain about the hardship upon him, always putting my needs above his own. I miss him so much!

When we finally arrived in that town, it was so busy! There were people rushing about everywhere trying to find shelter for the night. Your father searched in vain for shelter for us. I was already feeling faint from the early onset of labour. Time was of the essence. I knew in my heart we didn’t have long as my body was preparing itself for your arrival. My son, I was so scared! Where would we stay? What would we do? My mother had informed me as best she could about how to deliver a baby into this world. I had witnessed many animal births before that, too. I just didn’t realize it would be quite so painful!

Finally your father found a stable, full of animals. It was crude, dirty, and had such a horrible stench within of animal dung but, at least it was a place to rest. I was so relieved to be able to get off that donkey and lay in the straw. By then, the pain was becoming more unbearable. I was sweating, and the pain in my belly was enough to make me moan. Your father was so concerned. He searched frantically for someone to help me but could not find any.

In what felt like forever, you exited my body and oh the relief and wonder as I gazed upon your face. Here was this child I was promised! Oh Jesus, the first time I held you in my arms I could hardly see you for the tears streaming down my face. I had no other way to express my love for you. I wanted to hold you and protect you for eternity….

Oh my son, I long to hold you again. I’d gladly take your place. The pain in my heart is unbearable. I’m broken and empty and numb without you in my arms. I love you so much.

It’s hard for me to trust in the plan that was shared with me so long ago. That you were here to save the world from itself. My heart aches for you. I know your Father is in control and in that I put my faith, but the hurt, oh the hurt of losing you….

I’m amazed Yahweh loved me enough to give me You. Yahweh gave me You to share with the world and His love is so amazing and awesome. How could He love me? How could He love those who harmed you, whipped you, spit on you, and crucify you? He is the one and only…

Yahweh is the essence of what love is…sending you to me yet allowing you to die brutally at the hands of mankind as a pure and perfect sign of your unending love for us, your precious creations.

I still miss you son.

I love you.

Your Mother

Christmas...

...is coming.

It's coming whether we like it or not.
Normally this time of year brings about stress, feelings of resentment, anger, and a general "bah, humbug!" attitude out of me.

The shopping, the planning, the decorating, the baking, the logistics of who to see and when, the pressure from those closest to us to see them more and the impending guilt that goes along with that. I CAN DO WITHOUT ALL OF THAT!

However,

this year is different.

We're barely into December and the decorating is done, the baking is mostly complete, the annual Christmas photo is prepared and on it's way to many, many recipients, the Christmas music has been playing since November 25th but most of all....

I've been craving the peace that Christmas represents, the intimacy with my creator. 

I've had Josh Groban's version of "Silent Night" playing on repeat quite often. It's my favorite Christmas carol.

The lyrics in that song speak to me. I'm able to envision myself on this amazing night, one like no other for this young couple in a filthy animal dwelling. The calm that came over them after the agonizing birth of bringing a baby into the world. Imagine the the first moments of bonding between Mary and her newborn as she holds this miraculous marvel in her arms.

This child we celebrate...

He then grew up into a man....

Silent night, holy night
All is calm, all is bright
Round yon Virgin Mother and Child
Holy Infant so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace
Sleep in heavenly peace

Silent night, holy night!
Shepherds quake at the sight
Glories stream from heaven afar
Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia!
Christ, the Saviour is born
Christ, the Saviour is born

Silent night, holy night
Son of God, love's pure light
Radiant beams from Thy holy face
With the dawn of redeeming grace
Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth
Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth "

No More Than A Girl...

Mary....

She was no more than a girl when a powerful heavenly angel came face to face with her. Not only that, this angel informed her that she had been chosen by the Most High to be the mother of THE most powerful man to have ever walked this earth.

To read her mind during that time in her life would have been a privilege.

The thoughts, the fears, the questions, the wonder, the amazement...it must have consumed her very being.

I can only imagine some of the thoughts flowing through her mind.

How will I tell Joseph?

What will he say? What will he do?

How will I tell my family?

Will I lose those closest to me as they discover I'm pregnant? Will they believe that I was faithful?

Why would I be chosen to be the mother of this child?

Am I worthy? 

She must have experienced such inner turmoil as she pondered her life, the life of her forthcoming child, and the man she was destined to marry.

YET....

Mary praised her creator with her whole heart. She trusted in His plan for her and this child DESPITE the rumors that were flying around town about her. She trusted in His plan as her soon-to-be husband had thought to quietly divorce her. She trusted in His plan despite everything that was swirling in her in and around her.

She trusted God. That's all she needed in order to become the woman that today's world knows as the mother of Jesus.

Greater Expectations

Expectations....

We all have them.

We expect others to live up to our standard of what we deem is acceptable in society. We expect our children to obey, mind their manners, do well in school, and the list goes on. We expect our friends to be there for us in the rough times. We expect our parents to be what we think a good parent is.

We expect so many things of others.

But...

What happens when those expectations are not lived up to?

What happens when the people we expect the most out of end up disappointing us?

On the flipside, what is expected of us? What do others deem as necessary for our lives?

or an even bigger question...

What do we expect of ourselves?

And what happens when we fail to live up to our own expectations?

We can spend our lives striving to live up to the expectations of those around us. We start as children being taught to obey our parents and authority figures in our lives. We want to please them and inwardly struggle when we fail to do that. We feel we've let them down and in turn work harder to please them even more. Later on in life we aim to please our employers to so we can maintain a job for security in life. We want to please our friends all throughout life so they'll remain our friends.

But somehow, through it all, we create a mental list of expectations for ourselves. We want to please and not disappoint others. We want to do well in life and succeed. We want to marry the right person, raise well-behaved children, have a nice home and vehicle or two, and have that dream career that has been inspiration to work hard. We want to say we're happy and content in the end.

And when those expectations aren't met what happens?

Disappointment, resentment, anger and other feelings begin to set in. We start failing to see what we do have and can be grateful for. Our hearts can be sad for a time but in the end we are responsible for how we live our lives.

It's a sad and slow process as those feelings of resentment, anger and disappointment engulf our hearts. We become blinded to what's good. No, you may not have your dream home but you do have a roof over your head. No, you may not have that new expensive car but you do have a car. You may struggle with your spouse or children but they still love you for who you are. No, you may not have the job you've always dreamed of but you have a job to pay the bills and put food on the table.


It's time to take a look at ourselves and realize what our expectations are. Are our expectations reasonable? Is it time to re-evaluate and figure out what really is important? Does it really matter what other people think of us?


What really matters?

 

Hindsight is 20/20

Change. It abounds. Seasons, time, people, even me. We have come through a season of change. This is change that we never expected to have but always longed for. Our lives have been turned upside down and inside out but in a positive way. Our Monday to Friday jobs no longer exist with their regular work hours. Our free evenings and weekends are gone. We live hundreds of kilometers away from our family and friends. The convenience of city life is no longer an option for us. And although we miss some of those elements, we are working on embracing an entirely new way of life. Irregular work hours that include many weekends and evenings, getting to know the people in our new community, and adjusting to the fact that we can't run to the store for this and that after 6 pm. My soul is adjusting to the changes too. Longing for the familiarity of HOME, of the people I can be completely myself around, and wondering if we really did make the right decision in making these changes. We wanted this change. We desperately needed this change. The process of getting here has been far from easy but it's exactly what we've needed. The fear of the unknown; where are we going to live, how can we afford to live,are we going to make friends, are people going to like us, are we going to thrive in this new community....it's all coming together now. I know God has a plan for us as a family and for me as an individual. It's not always easy to remember that though. As I reflect on this season of change, I can see that He has me and my family in his care. We've made it. We're settling in to be a positive part of this community. We're making friends and some of whom will be very close. Our needs are taken care of despite the worry my mind seems to conjure up. I am grateful to be here despite my moments of doubt and sadness. There was a time when I fully doubted this would be a reality for us...and here we are. It really is a miracle.