Preschool Is Done

Kianna's preschool wind-up party was held yesterday at Kinsmen Park. She got her little certificate and a picture with her teachers. I'd have to say that the kids had a blast. Kianna and Spencer are definitely siblings. Just look at the photo of the 2 of them together.

I can't believe she's heading into kindergarten next year. Does time ever fly!

I think....

that I can offially be classified as "Cool" now.....

That's me with Jason Dunn. He's the lead singer from the band Hawk Nelson.
I'm not used to this feeling......

Long Weekend Fun

We thought we'd check out Kinsmen Park today with their rides. Both Kianna and Spencer seemed to have a good time. This was the first time where Spencer was old enough to really take part in the rides. He certainly enjoyed the merry-go-round but he wasn't quite as sure of himself when it came to the train ride. He mostly just sat there and soaked in the experience. Kianna had a blast as usual with all of these things. The best part is that we get to come back in a week for her preschool windup party. Now they're both seasoned Kinsmen Park participants.

Changes.....

are a constant in this life. I have been learning lately that change can only happen if I allow it.

The thesaurus has these alternative words for 'change': alter, alternate, amend, barter, convert, correct, denature, diversify, edit,exchange, fluctuate, interchange, metamorphose, moderate, modify, mutate, permute, rearrange, rearrange, reform, remodel, swap, switch, take liberties, with, trade, transfigure, transform, transmute, transpose, turn, turn around, turn upside down, vacillate, vary, veer.

As I look over these words, there many I could use to describe myself and what I was afraid of. Why would I choose to modify myself if I was already okay with who I was? Why would I choose to be transformed for the same reason?

I have been resisting change for a very long time in some areas of my life. There have been several reasons as to why I've been this way, whether it was for fear, pride, or uncertainty of the unknown.

I've been also been learning just how much I like to be right. I don't want to be corrected. I've believed for a long time that I'm not the problem. The other person is the problem. That's been changing though. I've been realizing that maybe I was the one with the problem. I could hardly admit that to myself. I'd do my best to hide it and deny it. I didn't want anyone else to know that I'm not perfect and that I have my own battles and issues to deal with in this life.

Here are 3 words I would use to describe myself.

Stubborn

Prideful

Fearful

It is these things that have been hindering my ability to accept change in my life. I haven't wanted to change my attitudes, my thoughts, my actions. I've been terrified of the unknown. I've been too full of pride to admit my weakness. I've been too stubborn to budge.

Recently I have been pushed by some very caring and well-meaning people in my life to make some serious changes. They have put up with excuses, anger, and other not-so-desirable things from me. I know they've wanted the best for me for a very long time. Even with my reluctance they have continued to love me and pray for me and push me even beyond my limits.

I've been in survival mode for quite awhile. I've been living day to day and sometimes hour by hour. I'm learning that I don't have to live like that anymore. I can be free to dream and to have the life that I truly want to have. My fear, pride and stubbornness have all been barriers to that life.


I'm being transformed on the inside. I've given in to their requests (sometimes not so willingly) to work on myself and my attitudes. I'm finding a freedom and a peace that I didn't know was there. I didn't believe that it even existed anymore because it has been so long since I've experienced it.

God's been slowly chipping away at the walls around my heart and showing me that there really is more to this life than raising a couple of kids and just trying to make it on a daily basis.

There is hope inside of me once again. Hope for all things that I once thought was lost. I was dead inside. There were parts of me that were hardened and were beyond reach as far as I was concerned.

Change can be a good thing, that much I'm learning. It's not an easy task to undertake and certainly not pain free, but it's not as excruciatingly painful as living as I had in the past.

Miracles do happen. My heart is living proof of that.

"Our bear is dead....

...Auntie Candace," said my daughter's best friend Jacob. I responded with a feigned and saddened response of "ohhh, okay, that's sad."

Then I watched as both Jacob and Kianna, both of whom are 4 years old, brought their attention towards 2 year old Spencer while they were holding this apparently dead teddy bear.

"Will you make him better Spencer-Jesus?," they asked.

I could hardly contain myself as they pretended that "Spencer-Jesus" could really make this pretend dead bear all better.

I just had to laugh. All I got in response to my laughter were a couple of confused looks of "why are you laughing? our bear's dead."

The innocence of children. You gotta love it.

Who would have thought that my darling 2 year old son could double up as Jesus and heal dead teddy bears?

Monkey's

Life around here lately has been rather busy as usual. Kianna's back to preschool as of this week. I'm still babysitting on a regular basis between 3 different children as well. That certainly keeps me on my toes. Although, it seems to be my own children that cause me the most grief.

Spencer is most definitely hitting the 'terrible 2' stage. He's getting more attitude and getting into so much more trouble. For example, he decided one day during his nap time that he'd get into the garbage can full of dirty diapers. I'll just say that after naptime, he promptly got a bath and the sheets were put in the washing machine. Then only 2 days later during naptime, he found the bottle of baby lotion. He also got put in the tub and the sheets were put in the wash after that as well. Then this week, while I was busy doing some laundry, this little boy of mine decides he wants a banana. He pushed a chair up to the counter, found himself a steak knife, and was trying to cut a banana off of the bunch I had hanging on the hook on the counter. EEEEEEEEEEEK!!! Luckily I caught him before any serious damage was done. His sister was not like this at all!!!!

I wonder if I would have been done having children at one if he had been born first???